They're Just Playing... Or Are They?

They're Just Playing... Or Are They?

I have spent most of my career explaining to adults why play matters.

After nearly 30 years of working with children and families, I have watched children learn some of their most important skills while the adults around them saw nothing more than children playing.

But at one point, I wanted to know what parents actually thought about play.

So I asked them.

As part of an action research study, I surveyed eleven parents who had children between birth and five years old. I wanted to understand how parents viewed play, what they believed children learned through play, and whether they connected play with school readiness.

What I found didn't completely surprise me.

Parents overwhelmingly believed that play was important.

They connected play with social-emotional development, creativity, problem-solving, and being prepared for life.

But there was a disconnect when we started talking about academic learning.

As children approached preschool and kindergarten, some families placed greater emphasis on academic goals. Play was still important, but it wasn't always seen as part of the academic foundation.

That distinction caught my attention.

Because after spending decades watching children learn through play, I don't see play and academic learning as two separate things.

I see them as connected.

Parents Already Know Play Matters

I don't think most parents need someone to tell them that play is good for their children.

They already know.

They watch their children play.

They see them laugh, pretend, build, create, negotiate, and explore.

What I think parents sometimes need is someone to help them see what is happening underneath the play.

That was one of the biggest takeaways from my research.

Parents understood that play helps children develop socially and emotionally. They understood that children become creative and learn to solve problems through play.

But when school readiness entered the conversation, play could start to feel like something separate from learning.

And I understand why.

We live in a culture that makes academic learning easy to see.

1. A child can identify ten letters.

2. A child can count to twenty.

3. A child can write their name.

Those things are visible.

We can measure them.

We can put them on a checklist.

But some of the most important things children are learning through play aren't quite as easy to measure.

• How do you measure a child learning to persist when something is difficult?

• How do you measure learning to negotiate with another child?

• How do you measure developing confidence in your own ideas?

• How do you measure learning to enter a group?

Those things matter, too.

Play and Academic Learning Are Not Opposites

Head Start describes play as a way young children explore their world, develop relationships, use language, solve problems, and learn about concepts such as math and science. (HeadStart.gov)

That matches what I have seen throughout my career.

When I look at a child building with blocks, I don't just see a tower.

• I see a child figuring out balance.

• I see spatial awareness.

• I see planning.

• I see problem-solving.

• I see persistence when the tower falls down and they try again.

If another child joins, I may also see negotiation.

• Who gets which block?

• Where should the next piece go?

• What happens when two children want the same thing?

There is a tremendous amount of learning happening before anyone pulls out a worksheet.

A child playing restaurant may be counting plates, sorting objects, using language, sequencing events, remembering routines, and practicing social skills.

A child building a fort may be developing spatial awareness and problem-solving.

A child playing house may be practicing language, relationships, empathy, and the roles they see adults playing around them.

A child playing a board game may be learning to follow rules, wait, take turns, count, plan, and handle disappointment.

The learning is there.

Sometimes we just have to know how to see it.

This Is Not Just Something I Have Observed

One of the reasons I wanted to include my action research in this conversation is that I don't want to make this argument based only on my personal experience.

My study was small. Eleven parents is not enough to tell us what every parent believes.

But the responses gave me something important to think about.

And more recent research is exploring a remarkably similar question.

A 2026 article in Psychology Today discussed research involving parents of children ages two to five and found a distinction between parents' understanding of play and activities they viewed as preparing children for school. The article describes a concern that play can be sacrificed for flashcards, electronic games, and other activities parents believe will prepare children academically. (Psychology Today)

That connection matters to me.

Because I don't think the answer is to tell parents, “You're wrong. Just let your child play.”

I think the better conversation is:

“You already understand that play is important. Let me show you what your child is learning through it.”

Play Doesn't Always Look Like Learning

This is one of the things I love most about working with young children.

Learning doesn't always look impressive.

Sometimes it looks like a four-year-old sitting on the floor pushing a toy car back and forth.

Sometimes it looks like a child watching other children instead of joining them.

Sometimes it looks like two toddlers arguing over the same shovel.

Sometimes it looks like a child building the same tower for the tenth time.

Sometimes it looks like a group of children pretending to be dinosaurs for an hour.

And sometimes it looks like absolutely nothing to an adult watching from across the room.

But if we slow down, we can often see something different.

The child pushing the car may be experimenting with movement.

The child watching may be observing and figuring out how to enter the group.

The toddlers arguing over the shovel are beginning to learn negotiation, boundaries, and social problem-solving.

The child rebuilding the tower is practicing persistence.

And the dinosaurs?

Well, sometimes they are just dinosaurs.

And that is okay, too.

Children deserve to have experiences that are joyful simply because they are joyful.

Head Start makes an important point that play is not identical across every family or culture. Families have different experiences, values, resources, and ideas about what play looks like. (HeadStart.gov)

That matters when we talk to parents.

We shouldn't tell families there is only one “right” way to play.

We should help them understand the many ways children learn through meaningful play.

Play Is Not a Straight Line

Another common concern I hear from parents has to do with the stages of play.

Parents may learn that children move from solitary play to parallel play, associative play, and eventually cooperative play.

Then they see their four- or five-year-old playing alone and wonder:

“Shouldn't they have moved past this?”

I don't see play as a staircase.

Children don't climb one step and permanently leave the one below them.

They move back and forth.

A child may play cooperatively with a familiar friend and then spend time playing alone.

A child may participate in a group activity and become an observer when they enter a new environment.

A child who is confident at home may become hesitant in a new setting.

That doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.

Sometimes children need to observe.

Sometimes they need to process.

Sometimes they need time.

And sometimes observation tells us that there may be something we need to look at more closely.

That is why I believe so strongly in observation before assumption.

We don't need to panic because a child isn't doing exactly what a chart says they should be doing.

We need to watch.

Play Gives Us a Window Into Development

This is one of the reasons I have always valued play as an educator.

Play allows me to observe children without constantly asking them to perform.

• I can watch how they approach a problem.

• I can see how they communicate.

• I can see whether they invite others into their play.

• I can see how they respond when their ideas don't work.

• I can see how they handle frustration.

• I can see whether they persist or give up.

• I can see what interests them.

• I can see how they use language.

• I can see how they solve social problems.

And sometimes I see strengths that I might not have seen in a more structured activity.

A child who struggles to answer an adult's question may tell an elaborate story during dramatic play.

A child who doesn't want to sit for a worksheet may spend twenty minutes carefully constructing a complicated structure.

A child who seems shy may become incredibly expressive when playing with animals or puppets.

Play gives children another way to show us what they know.

The Adult's Role Matters

I have also learned that adults sometimes struggle with play because we feel like we need to make it productive.

• We want to teach.

• We want to ask questions.

• We want to introduce vocabulary.

• We want to count the blocks.

• We want to turn everything into a learning opportunity.

There is absolutely a place for intentional teaching.

But there is also a place for simply being present.

Sometimes we should sit beside a child and say, “Tell me about what you're making.”

Sometimes we can join their play without taking over.

Sometimes we can offer a new material or idea.

And sometimes we need to step back.

That last one can be difficult.

When we see a child struggling, our instinct is often to help.

But there is value in allowing children to experience manageable frustration.

If the tower falls, I don't always need to rebuild it for them.

I might say:

“It fell. What do you think happened?”

And then I wait.

Maybe they try again.

Maybe they change the design.

Maybe they ask for help.

Maybe they walk away.

All of those responses tell me something.

And the child is learning something important:

“I can try.”

Play Builds More Than Academic Skills

When we talk about school readiness, we often focus on the skills that are easiest to measure.

1. Letters.

2. Numbers.

3. Shapes.

4. Colors.

5. Name recognition.

But children also need to know how to enter a classroom.

How to communicate with an adult.

How to make a friend.

How to ask for help.

How to wait.

How to manage disappointment.

How to solve a problem.

How to make a choice.

How to keep trying when something is difficult.

Those skills matter.

And many of them are practiced every day through play.

Current research continues to connect play with children's social, emotional, neurological, executive-function, and self-regulation development. (Psychology Today) NAEYC likewise treats play as an important part of early childhood learning and development. (NAEYC)

So when we ask whether a child is “ready for school,” I don't want us to ask only whether they know their letters.

I want to know:

• Can they participate?

• Can they communicate?

• Can they problem-solve?

• Can they try again?

• Can they interact with others?

• Can they ask for help?

• Can they tolerate frustration?

• Can they make a choice?

Those are foundations, too.

Play Does Not Have to Be Complicated

I also want parents to know that play doesn't have to look like something out of Pinterest.

You don't need a beautiful playroom.

You don't need expensive toys.

You don't need a carefully planned activity every afternoon.

Children can play with:

1. Cardboard boxes.

2. Pots and pans.

3. Blankets.

4. Sticks.

5. Rocks.

6. Water.

7. Blocks.

8. Dress-up clothes.

9. A pile of leaves.

10. Their own imagination.

Some of the best play materials are the ones that don't tell children exactly what they are supposed to do.

A cardboard box can become a house, a boat, a car, a bed, a store, a rocket ship—or absolutely nothing at all.

The child gets to decide.

That matters.

What I Have Learned From Watching Children Play

After nearly 30 years of working with young children, I have become less interested in asking:

“What are they supposed to be learning?”

I am more interested in asking:

“What are they learning right now?”

Those aren't always the same question.

When a child is playing, I don't need to force a lesson into every moment.

I need to be curious.

I need to observe.

I need to understand development.

I need to recognize when to support and when to step back.

And I need to trust that children are capable of learning through meaningful experiences.

My action research confirmed something I have seen throughout my career: parents value play.

What I think we need to keep working on is helping families see just how much learning is happening inside it.

Play is not the opposite of learning.

Play is not something children should have to earn.

Play is not wasted time.

And play is not simply what children do when the “real work” is finished.

Play is part of the real work of childhood.

Children are building towers, but they are also building persistence.

They are pretending, but they are also building language.

They are negotiating over toys, but they are also building relationships.

They are making messes, but they are also making discoveries.

They are imagining possibilities, but they are also learning that their ideas have value.

So the next time you look across the room and see a child who is “just playing,” I hope you pause for a moment.

Look a little closer.

Ask yourself:

What are they practicing?

What are they figuring out?

What are they communicating?

What are they learning about themselves and the world around them?

Because after nearly 30 years in early childhood, I don't see children who are just playing.

I see children learning how to be human.

And that is pretty important work.

About the Author

Sally Cote is an early childhood educator, parent educator, curriculum developer, and Master of Education candidate with more than 20 years of experience supporting children and families. Her professional experience includes working as a preschool teacher, childcare director, substitute teacher, doula, and family support professional. Through her work, Sally advocates for developmentally appropriate practice, meaningful play, family engagement, and whole-child approaches to learning. She is passionate about helping families understand child development and creating environments where children can thrive socially, emotionally, physically, and academically.

References

Cote, S. (n.d.). Parents' beliefs about play and school readiness [Action research study].

National Association for the Education of Young Children. (n.d.). Play. NAEYC Play Resources

Office of Head Start. (n.d.). Importance of play in early childhood. Head Start: Importance of Play in Early Childhood

Psychology Today. (2026, February 15). Why play matters more than ever for child development. Psychology Today: Why Play Matters More Than Ever for Child Development

ScienceInsights. (n.d.). Why is play important in early childhood development? ScienceInsights: Why Is Play Important in Early Childhood Development?